The Complete Idiots Guide to surviving the Akatsuki
by Once Upon An April
Summary: When the Akatsuki are sent Earth they end up in young 18 year old Andromeia's home.How could she and her best friends handle the Akatsuki with Hidan's cursing,Pein threating eveyone,Zetsu eating people,Itachi's 'hn'ness,Deidara's bombs,Sasori's sarcasm,Tobi's hyperness and Konan's cuteness.Enter their world of frying pans,criminals,filp flops,brooms & Smexyness. How will this end?
1. Chapter 1

**Lesson # 1: Never hit your attacker with a baseball bat take a frying pan instead it's more effective**

**Andromeda's P.O.V **

"Elle!" I screamed outraged as my eye twitched and a huge ball of electricity formed into my hand. It was about the size of a soccer ball. I threw it at the already burnt kitchen, then at the hallway, then at the couch.

"Ah." She screamed. Checkmate. I kept throwing my electricity at her and she kept dodging them. You might wonder why I'm vigorously attacking her or if I'm that fucking crazy. Well to answer your thoughts yeah that's right I'm a crazy ass bitch and I'm attacking my BESTFRIEND Elle because she thought it would be funny if she blew up my kitchen while I was in it. I have to admit Elle is very a pretty girl with purple hair and dark blue eyes. Her only downfall is that she likes to tempt people a little too much. But who am I to judge I love to taunt people.

Anyway sometimes she goes too far and I want to murder her. This is the same routine everyday. Make something explode, make sure I know about it, Try and murder her with electricity, I call a truce, we sing songs, talk about girl stuff, fight each other, eat junk food, watch T.V until we fall asleep on each other, Dance with Delaney who's usually watching Naruto and wreck havoc among the world.

"Truce."

"Truce." We both sat on the couch already forgetting what happened.

_Flicker Off, Flicker On, Flicker Off _The lights are out. Usually I would scream if the lights went out so suddenly someone else beat me to it and it wasn't Elle. I gasped.

"Delaney." Elle grabbed her flip flop and I grabbed my frying pan we both ran upstairs to the 3rd floor.

"Ahhh." We busted into her room my aqua blue hair flying and dark purple eyes keen. I started swinging my frying pan around wildly and Elle started bashing stuff with her flip flop. Never underestimate her flip flop it could do lots of damage. Last time I went against her flip flop I was knocked out until 2 days later.

"Oi Fucking crazy ass bitch." I bashed the intruders head again ignoring the profanities he was shouting at me until he fell silent. It wasn't over yet because someone took my Frying Pan and threw it in the corner.

"Ha that's gonna stop me." I scoffed and took the persons head and slammed it into my knee also knocking that person out I could tell that this person was tall. Not OMG you're tall. Its like did I get shorter or you're just that damned tall.

" Formation 1." We were back to back.

"Attack 48." I formed electricity into my hand and she formed water we put our hands together and jumped to the right electrocuting another goon painfully. Soon we were full on fighting hand to hand combat knocking 7 more goons out. We're finally done. I felt breathing on my neck. I slowly turned around to come face to face with red eyes. I let out a battle cry and punched with my left hand but missed, I kicked with my right leg he blocked with his wrist and pushed me back. I crouched low to the floor swung my right foot out he jumped up I rolled to the left curled up into a ball pushed off my hands and jumped on his face my thighs were around his neck trying to choke the shit out of him also using my momentum to pull up into the air and come down onto my hands twisting my body around flinging him into the wall. A grunt left his lips.

"Haha I'm invincible." I was suddenly slammed into the wall a hand on my neck squeezing a little too hard.

"Spoke too soon."I coughed.

"Andromeda!" A worried Elle and frightened Delaney spoke out.

"I could go for a little help right now." I waved my arms up and down. The hand was off my neck in a matter of minutes. Thank Kami my vision was starting to get blurry. I rubbed my now sore neck.

"Thanks Elle you're a life saver."

"No problem you're my favorite bitch so why wouldn't I save you." She grinned widely.

My eye twitched as the light came back on smoothly.

"You couldn't have come on when Delaney was getting attacked."I screamed to the light.

"Umm sis theirs the whole Akatsuki in our home."Said Delaney in her normal soft voice.

"Aka who?"Elle and I replied confused.

"The Akatsuki from Naruto their a criminal organization."She said disbelief in her voice.

I looked around. All I saw was a huge ass blue guy with gills on his face, a cute hottie with long hair in a ponytail, a guy with a swirly mask, one with too many piercings too count, one with silver hair slicked back, a girl with a flower in her hair and blue hair, a guy with stitches on his body, a blonde guy, a guy with red hair and a half black and white guy with a Venus flytrap and green hair. Their cloaks are badass though.

"These people aren't good criminals if you ask me." I raised an eyebrow.

"Let's tie them up and rape the hot ones."Elle replied excitedly.

"Woah before you go ape crazy let's take their weapons first, use it against them and after were done we can hit them some more across the head with my frying pan and your flip flop if they don't answer us also lets take their cloaks ." I cackled evilly and turned my back to her already planning my torture tactics.

"I don't think we shouldn't harm the girl big sis." Delaney replied getting out from under the bed and sitting on a swivel chair.

I turned around about ready to say we won't when I look at Elle and she's already kissing the guy with silver hair.

"What the hell are you doing slut." I ask

"I'm claiming what's mine bitch." She said that as if I was supposed to know that was going to happen.

"Alright then." I grabbed the girl with a flower in her hair and set her down gently on Delaney's King sized bed.

"Delaney please check their bodies for weapons, Elle come downstairs and get the chairs I'll get the rope." I ordered.

Hehe this will be fun. I wonder if they'll say something. I'm that psychotic.

I walked all the way down stairs and another flight of stairs that leads to the basement and grabbed rope. I went back to Delaney's room pleased as they were already on the chairs and a pile of weapons were on the floor and Elle had her smexy war outfit on. She wore her long wispy purple hair into a tight ponytail and wore a silver mid-thigh gladiator skirt with silver shorts under, a silver off the shoulder crop-top and silver gladiator shoes that stop at the knees, red lipstick and a golden arm band on her right arm. I wore exactly the same thing but the colors were gold and I had a silver arm band, no lipstick and my aqua hair was in two low pigtails. I wrapped their arms, legs, thighs, abdomen, wrist in rope. Just as I was about to tell Delaney too guard the weapons. The guy with the piercings started to wake up. I smirked dangerously and asked…

"Did you have a nice sleep?"

/

_This is my second story Ever. This story is an original story so please no stealing or I shall get my frying pan. Please review and tell me how I could fix my story. I own Andromeda,Elle,Delaney there are my own O.C that I came up with. I don't own Naruto…Yet. _

_-Love Michelle and her frying pan_


	2. Chapter 2

**Lesson # 2: Never argue with me you'll end up in pain or knocked out with my frying pan…Maybe even both.**

**Andromeda's P.O.V**

He looked around the room turning his neck to look at the other Akatsuki members that were tied up.

"How did you manage to do this?" He asked quiet stotically if you ask me.

"How did I manage to tie you 'criminal' to the chair and knock all of you out? You tell me." I smiled widely.

His eyes twitched.

"We mean no harm we were at our base it was a normal day when the earth started to rumble a storm appeared our lights went out and then we end up in this room ."

"Elle pass me my frying pan please." Elle did what she was told and handed me my frying pan. She narrowed her eyes.

"I don't trust this guy." She told me.

"Calm it bitch." She rolled her eyes and turned away. Oh hell no she did not just roll her eyes at me.

"Did you just roll you eyes at me." I asked.

"You saw me."

"Oh hell no."

"Oh hell yes." She bashed me in the head with her filp flop.

My eye twitched. The only thing we didn't notice was the other Aka-whatever members waking up. I lifted my frying pan and wacked her on the head. She anime fell to the ground, moaned in pain then started anime crying.

"Ouch."

"Haha take that." I smiled in victory my teeth shining brightly.

"Uhh sis behind you." Delaney squeaked in her small meek voice. I totally forgot she was here.

I slowly turned around to come face to face with the big ass blue guy.

Before I could smack him in the face with my frying pan he took it from my hands and threw it in the corner. I anime cried and he pined me down sitting on my back.

"You think those petty ropes will stop us?" He was really heavy and if he didn't get off soon I would never breathe.

"Why are you so fat?" I asked

It was his turn to anime cry.

"I'm not fat this is pure muscle." He said proudly. I looked at him and scoffed

"You sure about that?" His eye twitched and he put the rest of his weight on me.

_And you say you aren't FAT LIES!_

"It you aren't fat then why can't I breathe?" He didn't answer.

"CAUSE YOU'RE FAT." I finished.

I was starting to black out so I took a deep shaky breath, closed my eyes and willed fire to course within me.

5 seconds later…

"Ahhh." He got off my back screaming about how his ass was on fire and I'm a brat yada yada yada I've heard it all. Oh how it was a funny sight to see a big blue man with gills about 5 times your size screaming like a little girl swatting his ass like he just don't care.

"Hehe woops." I smiled sheepishly still laying on the floor

"Why you little." He brought his big sword named Same something above his head, ready to make me face death.

_Hehe if only he knew I escaped Death like a billion times…literally. _

"Not today Fishy."

I got up and summoned my broom whacking him on top of his head multiple times, until I decided I tortured him enough. I sat on the floor crisscross style and crossed my arms in victory.

"Wow fucking shame Kisame you get beat up by a girl at least 5 times fucking smaller than your fucking size."

My eye twitched. It seems like my eye has been twitching a lot. I turned around with a murderous look on my face went up to him and said.

"I know your weak spot." He laughed.

"I don't have a fucking weak spot bitch."

I narrowed my eyes and kicked him between the legs. He fell on the ground in pain clutching his manly parts. I got my broom and whacked him on the head with my broom before laughing and calling him stupid.

"I don't have a weak spot." I mimicked in a high pitched girly voice.

"Ugly Bitch."

"I see you got your picture stuck in your head."

"What a fucking Fail!"

"No one asked you for your life story."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks, I don't want your disease all over me."

"Jackass."

"I'm sorry did you hear that? That's the sound of no one caring right guys." I looked around to find no one here and it's only me and silver bitch.

" Haha Looks like no one cares 'bout you water bitch."

"Hey Aka-whatever left you too." I whined as we continued our comeback battle.

Delaney's P.O.V

We watched as June I mean Andromeda and Hidan fought verbally. I was amused about this whole thing that was happening. I knew in the end that we'd be letting criminals in our house and It would end up even MORE chaotic than I'm used to. Maybe I could actually find love with one of them even though they are all criminals. Let's just look at the bright side…oh wait there is none.

"Maybe we should leave them be to let them handle it out." My meek voice called out everyone turned to me except for Elle who was still anime crying.

"Sounds like a plan." Everyone turned to the now awakened Konan. She smiled softly.

"Come on." Elle said excitedly and lead them downstairs with me following in the back. I looked at my watch it was 2:00am. This day has yet to end. I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and saw Sasori staring at me curiously. My eyes went wide and I started blushing then looked away.

As we entered the room my eyes widened and I saw a burnt kitchen, the couches had feathers all over then, some glasses were broken and the wall near the door had a hole in it. My eye almost twitched as I looked at the mess. I ran a hand through my aqua colored hair and sighed deeply pinching the bridge of my nose. I'll clean it later.

"Who blew the kitchen up, yeah?" Deidara asked. Elle smiled brightly.

"Look at it, it's so beautiful I really don't know why Droma went on a rampage trying to kill me and what not."

"I wouldn't have to try and kill you if you stopped trying to blow everything in your path up." June stepped out of her hiding place and ran a hand through her equally aqua hair. My sister was very pretty, no beautiful, no gorgeous with her long hair, dark purple eyes, womanly figure, long legs, small button nose and feisty attitude. I looked at her in envy…I wish I could be like her.

Elle's P.O.V

I ran to Droma and glomped her.

"Crazy bitch your back, but where's Hidan?"

"Jello to you to and Hidan well lets just say my plans have yet to start." She cackled evily. Everything went dead silent for a moment and everyone looked at Droma and raised an eyebrow.

"Tobi is a good boy!" I heard something crash from behind me. I giggled.

"I'm not paying for that." I heard the miser say.

Droma's eye twitched she pushed me off her and looked to where Tobi was. On the floor I saw Droma's China plates on the floor broken into tiny pieces.

"My China!" She cried out and I face-palmed. She cares more about her China than me. Gosh and I thought we were friends.

She ran after Tobi screaming and yelling at him while anime crying.

"Those were my favorite!"

"Tobi is a good boy." Tobi chanted.

This went on for about 5 minutes before Tobi gave up and said sorry.

"Damn right you should be sorry." She sat on the fuzzy carpet and and crossed her arms while Delaney and I sat with her.

Her eyes suddenly popped open she smiled and jumped up.

"You guys could stay with us. But first thing in the morning tomorrow were going shopping to get you new clothes!"

"Arigato but where will we sleep?" The guy with the piercings asked.

"We have more than enough room for each and every one of us." She gave a closed eyed smile.

"Konan can sleep with us on the Third floor, Pein and all the other men can sleep on the second floor." She clapped her hand cheerfully.

"We finally have another girl to join us." She grabbed Konan and dragged her to our little circle we were in and teleported us into her room.

( I will put the link in my profile if you can't find it .)

Andromeda's P.O.V

As we entered my room I saw Konan gawk at the scenery when I showed her our rooms. My room was the modern kind. (Please look on my profile for the link.) She took off her cloak and sat down. I went to my right and walked in the the walk in closet. I should have some clothes that would fit her. I searched and searched everywhere their was nothing that would be her. I looked at the end of my closet then I saw it…the cutest outfit ever. It was a purple mini skirt black converse and a black long sleeved shirt with purple sleeves. It would match perfectly with the flower in her hair.

"Konan oh Konan I brought you an outfit for you to wear." I sang.

"Arigato Andromeda-Chan." She took the clothes from my hands and gave a curt nod.

"No need with the Chan at the end of my name and don't worry about it their just clothes I'm sure you go shopping all the time."

"I don't really go shopping because I don't have enough time for it." She said softly her cheeks as her cheeks went red then she looked away.

Third Person

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to Konan with an Irk Mark on their face.

"WHAT!"

The men of Akatsuki stopped what their were doing and ran to where they heard the scream.

When they looked inside the room they saw…

_To be continued_

_I know I'm really evil aren't I. I am so so so sorry with a cherry on top because I couldn't post on Friday I was very busy and didn't have anytime, so to make it up to you a Chapter 3 can't wait. Chapter 3 will have some new O.C's and someone or something Evil will be watching their every move every breath those 3 girls take. Who is it? Hehe._

_-Love your awesome rider Michelle!_


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